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Find A Grave review: People who hate memorials listed as "burial details unknown" 14

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1:13 am EST
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So I've been a member of [censored] for about About 3 months now, and the only reason I entered the website was to find my ancestors and connect a few branches. When I got to my ggg grandmother, I went to connect her memorial to one of her daughter's memorials which just so happened to be managed by a person named "Scout" who LITERALLY is managing over 200,000 memorials and literally says in their bio that they don't connect to memorials listed as "Burial Details Unknown" which I have my ggg grandmother's memorial listed as.

When I suggested the memorial for her daughter, I was going to inform the person after they declined it that I was related and that I would add a burial when I had the time, but when they declined it and I sent the message, they basically sent me a message on my profile telling me that I was lying and that the website is literally named "FindaGrave" so I should only add memorials listed with a Burial and have a documentation linked to it. Later, the conversation somehow escalated with the person threatening me and accusing me based on how many memorials I managed, only because I said they shouldn't delince memorials just because it's listed as burial unknown.

Instead of listening to what I said, they instead wrote a really long message basically saying that I should leave the website and that my ancestors should stay off of Findagrave, like what the hell? I stopped replying because the guy was literally acting like he wanted to murder me just because I didn't like the idea of declining every memorial listed as "Burial details unknown". Findagrave needs to get rid of this guy because he is hurting the findagrave community. And does it 24/7.

The long note also included him telling me that there are more people like him and that I should just accept the fact i'm in the minority, what the hell? This is a family tree website, not a battle royale.

Desired outcome: Please remove this person from Findagrave.

14 comments
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Sally O. Parker
Newark, New Jersey, US
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Jun 02, 2022 12:57 am EDT
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FindAGrave is not a family tree site. It is a place to record final burial locations so burials unknown have no place being on the site.

TheldrakisCS
TheldrakisCS
US
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Jun 09, 2022 12:39 pm EDT
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just found this review, Find A Grave is owned by ancestry.com which IS a family tree site. if OP can prove beyond reasonable dubout that she is related then the current memorial manager should accept that and move on. i know that i have on the ancestry site have added relatives with "burial details unknown" as i am sifting through documents of my family entering them. the dates and where might be on different papers in different locations. lets just try and help one another find buried loved ones and move on ok?

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David Shores
New york, US
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Oct 07, 2022 2:36 am EDT

Sally, there are already thousands of memorials that are listed as "Burial details unknown" that deserve to be on the website for a specific reason. If they are so prohibited then why is it even allowed to add a memorial listed as such? It's my family tree, not yours.

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TeeJLee
Denver, US
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Oct 14, 2022 7:21 pm EDT

Did you read the pop-up when you created the Burial Details Unknown? If you don't have the final disposition information for the deceased person, "Find a Grave is probably not the right place for their information."

As Sally said, it isn't a family tree site, regardless of who owns it. The owners have said the site's purpose is "to find, record and present final disposition information from around the world".

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Eddie Jones
US
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Oct 26, 2022 6:47 am EDT
Replying to comment of TeeJLee

TeeJLee, did you even read my review? Are you a F.A.G moderator? If not, you are completely wrong because:

1. If you saw my review, I told the contributor that I would search where my ancestor is buried once I had the chance. It was declined anyways.

2. If the owner of the memorial is not related to the memorial I'm requesting, it should be transferred to me because I'm related and They're not. These are the facts.

3. If it isn't a family tree site, why is there a Father/Mother/Spouse mechanic, and why is there even an option to add "burial unknown" memorials?

4. The fact that you're actually tolerating this really sickens me. There are people who just want to explore their family ancestry without harassment from other users, but people similar to you are what's making it difficult.

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David Shores
New york, US
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Oct 27, 2022 4:45 pm EDT
Replying to comment of TeeJLee

Who said it was a family tree website anyway? All he wants is his suggested edit to be accepted.

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James Anon
US
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Nov 18, 2022 6:01 pm EST
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Replying to comment of TeeJLee

Here is the entire quote from FindaGrave:

"Find a Grave's purpose is to catalog and make available final disposition information. If burial information is unknown for an individual, Find a Grave is probably not the right place for their information. In rare cases, creating a Find a Grave memorial for someone with no burial information may be warranted, but these should be uncommon. If it is too soon after someone's passing for burial information to be known, please wait to create the memorial."

The policy states that, in rare cases, a user is allowed to create memorials with unknown burial sites, but the explanation for that memorial must be justified. Therefore, if the OP was able to justify the memorial's presence to Scout, the suggested edit should have been accepted, which validates the OP's argument, and invalidates those of Sally Parker and TeeLee.

FindaGrave has a big problem with members who are 'anti-unknown burial', with several of these people stating that they will not accept suggested edits to those who have unknown burials, regardless of relationship. The OP just happened to bump into Scout who is also anti-unknown burial. From my experience, these people who are against unknown burial memorials, are notorious for causing lots of hate on the site (Not an over-exaggeration).

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Eddie Jones
US
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Nov 24, 2022 12:03 am EST
Replying to comment of James Anon

Hi James, you are correct. Findagrave states that there should only be "unknown burials" in rare circumstances. This is one of those rare circumstances because we told Scout that we were still looking for the final interment. That TeeJLee weirdo went to my findagrave profile and shamed me for creating "2/3 of memorials with unknown burial places" despite me having stopped creating them a while ago . And for the other person who said that findagrave was a family tree website, I never called it a family tree website in the first place, and clearly they need to read the pop-up themselves. Thanks.

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Brenda Darbyshire
Albany, US
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Jun 13, 2023 4:36 pm EDT

Just exactly what does a burial unknown add? Nothing it just makes a family tree and waters down FG. No different than just making up a site to place because their spouse is buried there. This leaves rooms for many errors and many many duplicates which is suppose to be avoided

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Brenda Darbyshire
Albany, US
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Jun 13, 2023 4:42 pm EDT

Ancestry does not have to prove where a person is buried. FG was founded many years and Ancestry bought them out, FG originally did not allow unknowns after 30 days and I agree. Too many duplicates are caused from burial unknowns and if you add one and the site is found, you lose management of the memorial. A family tree is still a family if you do not include burial location, but to add and unknown to a FIND A GRAVE site makes folks to not take the site seriously, becasue they allow anything on it. My biggest gripe on Ancestry is they allow thousands of folks to use work that hard workers put on the site and then allow the users to make their trees private and then you cannot see if they contribute your work to their family trees. All family trees ought to be public.

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Brenda Darbyshire
Albany, US
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Jun 13, 2023 4:43 pm EDT

Amen

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Brenda Darbyshire
Albany, US
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Jun 13, 2023 4:45 pm EDT

Oh now FG has become a place for family trees? A link is NOT a family tree, it is a memorial. You should add to you bio that person's name and DOD instead of making a link to it. What happens when that person is found, I can answer that, a duplicate is done and you lose control of the memorial, never to get it back

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Eddie Jones
US
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Jun 13, 2023 11:08 pm EDT

1. Regardless of who owns what, It is my family tree. I have permission to make burial unknowns. Theldrakis has a point. I should have received it and we both could have moved on.

2. As I assume you're agreeing with Sally, both of your defenses against our argument that burial unknowns doesn't belong on a website that allows it is lame.

3. It is remotely considered a family tree system. You connect one memorial to the other, like parental links etc. Therefore, Dave is right.

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Author of the review
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David Shores
New york, US
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Jun 16, 2023 5:20 am EDT

Although I was considering ignoring you at first because I assumed you were another find a grave user who created an account on this website solely for the purpose of intimidating and harassing people who are complaining about the service at find a grave (Unfortunately, this isn't the first time a find a grave user made a complaints board account simply to harass others), and further fuel the complainer's hatred and issues with the community, but I actually looked at you in disgust when you said all private family trees on ancestry should be public. No wonder you think find a grave has the right to meddle in other people's family info and deny someone of their relationship-link because their memorial has no burial info. You are a sick woman, Brenda.

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Author of the review
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David Shores
New york, US
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Jun 16, 2023 5:31 am EDT

I actually looked at you in disgust when you said all private family trees on ancestry should be public. No wonder you think find a grave has the right to meddle in other people's family info and deny someone of their relationship-link because their memorial has no burial info.

TheldrakisCS
TheldrakisCS
US
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Jun 16, 2023 12:40 pm EDT
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Thanks honestly i only use ancestory side with my mother to map our family tree. while we enter data it has mentioned find a grave verification or posting. we always say no cause its our private tree. though who knows if they have my family on find a grave. maybe i should mention it to my mom to check.

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Brenda Darbyshire
Albany, US
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Jun 13, 2023 4:34 pm EDT

Find a grave needs to remove the burial unknown after giving one 30 days to find where they are buried. They use to do this, and it use to be a rule not to add links to unknown burials, which since it is unknown all you are doing is making a family tree, not a gravesite.

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Eddie Jones
US
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Jun 13, 2023 10:57 pm EDT

I'm a newer member of the community, so I didn't know what their old rules were. However, these people have no rights digging up my family tree and denying me entry from my OWN relatives.

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