Shop & Ship review: Pure Incompetence 4

Well Aramex. Having only had a few things delivered late, I always thought you were the "good guys" when compared to some of the other delivery firms out there. I was a misguided soul.

Can you imagine my joy when, completely out the blue, I get a text message (or SMS as some people elegantly put it) from Aramex saying that I had a delivery arriving that afternoon. Being the 22nd December, my immediate reaction was to thing that good 'ol Santa was feeling the strain and had embraced modern technology. The fact that I had to pay AED73 (that’s 73 Emirati Dirham for those too lazy to look up) for all the hard work that Santa has put in to my 32 years in existence seemed a small price to pay.

And so, a few hours later a nice gentleman delivered the small soft package (I gave him AED100 in total, it was going to Santa after all) with the words "Pyjamas" written on the delivery slip. Now I know Santa knows everything, but i can forgive him not knowing I go "commando" in bed living in the Middle East and all that... So with curious anticipation, I open the red and white package and pul out a... PANDA SUIT...Oh My Giddy Aunt... How did Santa know?!?!?! To be more descriptive, a Panda Onsie with a hood, yep...ears and white fluffy tail included.

As the note inside was in Chinese or Japanese, I was a little rust on my Mandarin so I promptly threw the packaging in the bin. No reference of who it was from, but I know Santa likes to keep his exact location on the "hush hush". Again, Santa isn't to blame for the fact that it was slightly to small for a 6 foot, 32 year old, but I didn't mind looking like a schoolboy who's trousers are too small and halfway up his shins.

Now for Aramex to ruin what up to that point had been a wonderful panda filled Christmas. January the 9th, I get a call from an Aramex driver whilst in work saying he is there to "collect the package"... "Hmm.." I think... Sounds a bit "James Bond/FBI". Resisting the urge to tell the man that "the bird has flown the coup, it will be a cold winter said the farmer", I asked him what package. Now for the metaphorical kick in the man vegetables... the Panda Suit wasn't for me. I take a minute to compose myself and fight back the tears..."Pardon" I say. "Sir, delivery was for wrong person, supposed to be Mrs Fatima" says the man on the phone.

Well, I have had a fun filled Christmas in the suit, included a boxing day tequila fuelled session on my 3 year olds trampoline whist dressed in the suit (not long followed by being found passed out on the sofa by my wife). OK I say, but I’m in work and why didn't you phone me first... Silence on the phone... OK, I'll hang up, you speak to your boss and arrange a time on Saturday to come and collect... "OK Sir" is the response.

I now e-mail Aramex to tell them of my frustrations about not being contacted first before someone turned up at my door and also how will they refund the AED100 spent on delivery charges. ( i couldn't bear to mention the panda suit in written words, the pain was just too raw)... Just re-read what I wrote..."bear...panda suite"...awesome. Sorry, I digress. I get a call from Aramex customer service and via a rather apologetic and pleasant conversation, we agree that a courier will call Saturday morning, arrange a time for collection and bring AED100 refund.

Saturday arrives...Coming back from taking my daughter to ballet (god, she looks cute in a pink tu-tu). I pull into my drive just as an Aramex delivery driver pulls out of it. Hmmmmm...I think I know where this is going. You here for collection I say. Yes sir he responds, here for Pyjamas. I bite my lip at the fact that he called the most awesome Panda onsie "pajamas", but my daughter is in the car so I keep my cool. OK, hang on here, I’ll get it. I run upstairs, me and the panda have a brief moment together and then I hand it back to the driver outside. He looks at it inquisitively. Sir, it won’t fit on my bike so I cant collect. OK, no issues with that. Also, why didn't you call and have you got AED100 to give anyway. Sir, I was told that someone had already called you (no missed calls on house or mobile) and also no-one told me about refund. Awesome, Aramex is on a slippery slope. OK, go away and I’ll call your boss.

Another e-mail to Aramex outlining their failure ensues. Again, 2 days later (Monday) I get a apologetic call saying that another Aramex driver will call on Saturday morning to arrange yet another pick-up, and money will be exchanged. Here we go again... Not 3 minutes later, i get a call from Aramex delivery driver saying he "is in my area" and will collect in 20 minutes...I have a rather heated discussion with the gentleman on the other end of the phone (no-one told him about AED100 return as well).

So now I wait... I sit here in my office in the desert with a Panda Suit at home that may (or may not) be collected on Saturday and I may (or may not) get my AED100 back from the Aramex Driver...

Your move Aramex... Your move